I am so desperately consumed by how much I miss you.

I can’t wait until I see you again. I can’t wait until we meet up some night at Downtown Disney. I can’t wait until I kiss your cheek and you grab me by the waist and kiss my lips like we’ve dreamt of for weeks. I can’t wait to walk with my hand in yours amongst the lights and the music of a place I love so much. I can’t wait to get to kiss your nose or your forehead or your cheek or your lips as much as I want for a few precious hours. I can’t wait to play with your hair again. I can’t wait to say stupid jokes just to make you laugh. I can’t wait to see that amazing smile, those wonderful eyes again. I can’t wait to be around a bunch of strangers and let them all know I’m yours. I can’t wait to twirl in my dress for you. I can’t wait to throw my arms around you and kiss you just because you made me laugh. I can’t wait to walk you to your car and have you throw me in the backseat. I can’t wait to kiss you and taste you and moan for you and press myself against you. I can’t wait to feel your hands tugging at my hair and your tongue tracing invisible patterns across my chest. I can’t wait for you to flip my skirt up and make me say your name. I can’t wait to be the first girl you eat out. I can’t wait to moan and writhe as you practice on me. I can’t wait to kiss you harder when you’re done, and cuddle you like I’ve dreamt of for weeks.

I can’t wait to be with you.

Why am I angry? I’m angry because you fucking hurt me and you think that time and “I’m sorry” is supposed to make it all better, you think it’s going to fix everything. But it’s not. Time is bullshit and apologies are meaningless. You can’t undo the damage and it’s affecting me so terribly. I’m angry because I met the more incredible girl in the world and I can’t be good to her because of what you did to me. I can’t be what she deserves or what she needs. I can’t focus on helping her fight her demons because I’m too busy being defeated by mine. And I’m angry because that’s all because of you.